It is Friday. Friday it is. I’m counting down the time until I get to leave. 2 hours and 15 minutes left. YAY. I wanna go home and take the chicken out since I forgot to this morning. I’m going to attempt to cook dinner tonight or maybe tomorrow. I just hope I don’t give anyone the runs. See I can cook for myself, but cooking for people, well that’s a whole different story. They’ll ask hey how’d you cook this and I’ll be like I really don’t know man I just slathered condiments on the chicken and stuck it in the pan & well here you are eating it now. Hope you don’t die.
2 hours and 9 minutes.
This post is literally about nothing but wasting your time. Hope my boss doesn’t read this. If he is *insert LONG pause* well Hey Chris, haha. What’s up? You know that raise we spoke about? Well see the funny thing is that this post is work related in the sense that I write about nonsense and attract people to my blog site and well since they’re reading this they might think oh yeah she works in a law firm let me get in touch with her for that one *insert: criminal/traffic/domestic relations* matter…and BOOM! New clients! I love you 😀 Let me get back to work. *sadly switches screens*
2 hours and 1 mintue.
1 hour and 39 minutes.
Taking a small break. I’m making the executive decision to close early today at 3:30.
1 hour and 22 minutes.
I got denied.
1 hour and 5 minutes.
I paid some bills.
1 hour and 3 minutes.
I’m gonna go poop.
In an hour, sunflower.
**PSA: No seriously though, if you are in need of an attorney for any traffic, criminal or domestic relations issues please call 703.246.9494. First consultation is free. Check out his ratings: Christopher B. Holley.
Honestly that’s how my life feels like. I feel like I’m always “discovering” myself. Nothing wrong with that, but when am I gonna have my shit together? Now that, my friend, is the million dollar question. What does having my shit together mean? Does it mean having bills and paying them on time? Graduating from college? Having a job that I love or doing something that I find pleasure in? Being more social instead of socially awkward? Does it mean following society’s rules and getting engaged by age 26, married at 27, buying a house at 28 and popping a kid at 30? Ya see?! What exactly does having my shit together mean? Cos I thought it meant getting up each morning, showering, brushing my teeth, getting dressed and going to work/school. I thought it meant paying my bills on time and making sure my credit score was up. I thought it meant making sure my kid had food to eat, was clean and healthy, had a roof over her head, and that I did everything in her best interest. I thought it meant taking care of myself, mentally and physically. While I do all of that, I still don’t think I have my shit together. Something’s missing and I’m not quite sure what it is.
Internal happiness? ✔
Supportive friends and family? ✔
A roof over my head (&kickass roommates)? ✔
A great boyfriend? ✔
A car that runs good? ✔
An indecisive future? ✔
Welp, I guess that’s it. What am I destined to do? It seems that I keep going to school for different things. I hate the going back and forth, flip flopping through one idea to the next.. I mean don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of things I want to do but starting and finishing something seems to be the problem. Am I fine with just working the way I’ve been doing? Most times I feel like yeah, but then I start thinking about expectations and well that makes me feel like a piece of well, shit. My parents expect me to go to school and do something with my life. There’s always that pressure to please them that weighs me down sometimes. It sucks. I know I’m not who they wanted me to be. I know I’m rebellious, have a temper and an attitude. I know I’m not into religion/church like how they raised me to be, etc. etc. But am I enough just the way I am? Am I bringing enough to the table for the people closest to me? I’ve dropped back a lot. “It’s not you, it’s me.” It really is me. I just rather lay low. Someone once told me:
“no matter what you get dragged into these fuck boy situations. Gaby, you’re a fuckboy without wanting to be a fuckboy.” So I rather just do me at my own pace out in the suburbs. And you know what? It’s fucking great. After all this venting, I’m thinking maybe I do have my shit together. It’s been everything that I thought it meant. I live for my best interests, my daughter’s and my boyfriend’s. Fuck everything else. Eventually, I’ll get there.
So long, King Kong.
Tug of war. Back and forth. Tears of pain. Tears of joy. You go under. You go up. You give in or you give up. You have your way but for what?
r u n away my love r u n away. Go far away, away from this part. Now don’t turn back, ‘cos what’s left is distraught. .
..ohh boy am I exhausted. I know I just started school and that the classes I’m taking now are easy general courses but I can’t wait until I graduate. I wish I can just fast >> forward to the day I get my B.S.N. but nope gotta get through these next four years. It’ll be over soon x 1,460 days from today. I. WILL. GET. THROUGH. THIS. BTW, since Christmas is coming , if anyone is feeling festive and wants to give me a present, I will GLADLY accept gift cards to Starbucks or actually just anything with a shit ton of caffeine in it. Or alcohol. No joke.
I got my nails done. I haven’t had fake nails on for a minute so I feel pretty dumb right now struggling to type this. Not only that, but I wanted to try something new so I asked for like pointy nails and they look like claws. Painted them a deep purple, now it looks like I have dragon hands. Which I thought was cool for like the first two mins but then it’s just been a failure. I forgot I use contacts…putting them in – easy peasy! Taking them out – it’s well let’s just say I end up with bloodshot eyes and tears running down my face. I won’t take them off just because I spent $71.00 plus tip on getting my nails done. Well that includes a pedi too but my momma ain’t raise no quitter.
I binged on the show Quantico today. It’s so frickin’ good. I’m highly upset this is only the first season. I was told to also watch blood and oil, how to get away with murder and shoot I forgot what other show to watch. I haven’t caught up to Empire and everyone keeps telling me to cos it’s getting crazy. I’m just waiting for Game of Thrones to come back. I’m still emotionally traumatized about Jon Snow dying. But anyways, I gotta get up and restock the coffee machine.
hit the road, happy toad!
PSA – I wrote this on Thanksgiving. I just forgot to edit and post it, whoops. You’ll be fine. Oh, and I took the nails off the day after the day after thanksgiving.
It’s been awhile. I haven’t forgotten about wordpress I’m just
tired :(. I’m taking a break right now before I go back to studying medical terminology. It’s not east at all and I’m behind. Whoops. It’s not that I don’t want to do the work, I’ve just been busy with work and moving. Oh yeah, I’m now in Manassas. So glad I’m out of Woodbridge. It’s getting crazy out there, in the land of ratchets. In the span of like two weeks, there have been 4 teen deaths in three days, a homicide, and a lady and her family were held at gunpoint and their car was stolen. It’s just sad.
I wish I could have a day off to just sleep. My next day off should be Veteran’s Day and I’m gonna spend it with Bella and unpack. The only thing I’ve managed to do since I’ve moved is get my bed together. Everything else is just there in boxes waiting for me to get my shit together.
Bella’s fifth birthday is coming up. I can’t believe how quickly time goes by. I feel like just yesterday she was 2 years old being “Hurricane Isabel”. I’ve decided to do a low-key family event since it’s the last kid birthday where I can gather the tribe before Gershon leaves off to the Marines and I’ll be able to do another one in five years when he comes home for Bella’s tenth birthday. 😀
After Bella’s birthday, it’ll be Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Aaarrghh I’m so excited. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red. LOL. I’m not a wine fan. Unless it’s Moscato and I still have to be in the mood for that. I’m really hoping for a white Christmas this year. I’m honestly really excited to spend the holidays with bae and Bella this year. The last couple of years I had dreaded the holiday season, there was no excitement for me other than seeing Bella’s face when she opened her presents.
I really need to get some work done but seeing how it’s a little after midnight imma just go to bed.
Hang loose mongoose,
Its been a little over two years since you’ve been gone. There are moments where you pass my thoughts here and there and I still can’t believe that you’re gone. You were that fun guy who everyone liked. The one who was always smiling every single morning in the cafeteria. Ben who was so proud of where he came from. I never understood how you were so awake at 7:30 in the morning. I miss your cheerfulness, your hugs, your talks. I can not remember a time you were angry or upset, little did I know you hid so much behind your smiles. I wish things had ended differently for you. I wish I had kept more in touch after high school, maybe it could have been different. Ben, you’re terribly missed. Not just by me but by everyone that you came in contact with. Your memories will forever live in us.
Rest in peace Ben ♥
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. Every 13 minutes, there is one death by suicide. If you’re having these thoughts or know someone who is suicidal please get or find help. If you’re not sure what the warning signs are or don’t know how to talk to someone about suicide, please click here or call the number below.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(United States): 1(800)273-8255
take care, polar bear.
I’ve been with you since I was 16 years old. I am now 24. I am sorry that in the heat of an argument with maybe the 8th customer service representative [about one or two calls a month since July] I got vexed and disconnected your services and left to T-Mobile. One: I understand that it was very STUPID of me to do so. Two: I regret it. Honestly, I do. Three: Please take me back. Your service is worth the hassle every single fucking month. Four: AT&T is where it’s at.
Thank you for dealing with my frustration with AT&T and helping me switch over. I’m sorry to say that what you advertise is not true. I would suck it up and stay with you – your prices are way cheaper than AT&T but the service, well quite simply said: sucks. I’m not sure how your coverage works. I looked up your coverage map and saw that my jobs, home, and boyfriend’s house is in the magenta area [according to you I should always have service]. I do not. I was also told that the closer to DC I am, the more bars I would have. I do not [I’m in Clarendon as of right now]. My phone goes back and forth from one bar to no service. This is a huge no-no. I haven’t had your services for a week but I’ve already decided I have to go back to what’s best for me and that would be AT&T. Thank you for your time and attention to this particular matter. I hope you understand. I’m also sorry for the hassle you have to go through because of me.
Dear Bank Accounts:
Sorry for all the extra shit I now have to pay for switching back and forth. I hope one day I won’t cry when I pay my bills.
Hasta mañana, iguana.